until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
