Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
