i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
