You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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