We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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