"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Randomize
