then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
