i may or may not be watching the land before time
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
