I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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