Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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