I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
