Joe is yelling at the trees again.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
