So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
