Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
