I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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