My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Randomize