found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Can you bring me the toilet please
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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