can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
