did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
