C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
you inspire me to be a worse person
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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