so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
