so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
