the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
