she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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