call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
