he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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