You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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