I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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