i can't believe i had my finger in that
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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