She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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