I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
