Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize