I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
