xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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