You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
