The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
