Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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