my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
