I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
this will be a night to untag.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
