You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
