were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
