I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
