Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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