Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
