For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
PANTIES FOUND
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
