1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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