Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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