Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Randomize
