Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
