her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
We need a shit load of segways right now
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
