We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
