I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
