So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
