His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
