Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
