He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
