I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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