Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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