i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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