You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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