Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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