I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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